Home Again
by The Lilacgirl
Summary: Valena Hawke, lost everything her home, her friends and her love. Heading home isn't easy, leaving it all behind she goes follows Carver back to join the Wardens. A Birthday gift to a friend.


The winters in Ferelden were always harsh and sometimes unforgiving, the wind bit at her face causing her eyes to water and form small beads of ice upon her lashes. She pulled her hood up tighter around her cheeks, sucking in a sharp breath of frigid air, burning her lungs. Valena never thought she would come back to the land of her birth. Kirkwall had been her home for so many years and coming back here felt like she was moving backward not forward. But this was her path now, there was nothing left for her in Kirkwall and the Maker had a terrible sense of humor.

The snow blanketed white peeks were high, up almost to her knees even on the roads. The heavy snow falls had not let up since their arrival at port, they had even waited a few days to see if it would pass, but then decided to risk the exposure. She wanted to get this over with, to move on with what life she had left in her. Valena watched Carver slightly ahead struggle with the deep drifts, there was a slight tightness in her chest, a wave of something she thought was lost. It felt good to be with family. She would not abandon him again. She had once, even though to admit that to him would grant her nothing but an eye-roll and a scoff. His calling would now be hers, to put everything else behind her and look forward.

They trudged forward, her mind began to wander as she tried to fend off the bitter cold. She thought of Kirkwall, her estate in Hightown, of her Mother and how she missed her dearly. Her friends, Varric, Merrill, Avaline, Fenris and Isabela. Her thoughts even drifted to Anders, the ache there was still fresh and she pushed his image out of her mind. How she missed the days when everyone would gathered together. The times spent laughing and drinking. Everything was easy then. They were once her family, and now even they are gone. But it was better this way.

She needs to move forward...

To put it all behind her...

To forget...

Try as she might, the memories were overpowering and relentless. So she let them in, let them flow. Maybe she needed this, she was not sure or perhaps this was the only way to move on. The betrayal of her lover, of her friends, the regrets of past mistakes washed over her like a flood. King Alistair had once invited that she was always welcome to come home, that she was needed here, but was this home? Did she even have a home anymore?

Yes, Carver was her home, her Brother the last link from her past and to her present. His home was with the Wardens and that is where she will go. This was the right thing to do, it was the only thing left for her. This is what she wanted, what she needed. Everything that happened has come down to this.

Carver grunted, stopping briefly. She could hear his joints crack as he stretched his body, it had been a hard travel since they came in from Amaranthine. The trip across the Waking Sea had been treacherous, the winds were fierce this time of year and most sailors would not risk the travel. She had money though and would not need it any more, this was enough to sway a few and they were soon on their way. Carver tried in vain to talk her out of it, she was all the family he had left and the joining... he could not share the details but she remembered Anders telling her, many did not survive it. Still it was a risk she was willing to take.

"Almost there, are you sure about this Sister? It's not too late, I'm sure the Commander would be willing to let you stay at the Keep until the weather is better. Then you can..."

"Carver, stop I told you my choice and I will not change my mind now," she scolded, she knew he was worried but he would not back down, and either would she. They were both stubborn like their Father, this thought made her want to laugh.

"Why, why do this? Is this another thing you wish to over shadow me at Val? Take away everything I've worked for here to be the man I am suppose to be, and not the mighty Champion of Kirkwall's little Brother following along in your shadow."

His words hit their mark making her flinch at the harshness of his tone, she never wanted her Brother to feel this way. She understood why he did. It was her job to protect them and she failed at that. She was a healer, and she could not heal this wound of the soul that cut so deep within him. Would he forever blame her for things she could not control? All she could do is stare slightly into his bright blue eyes, his words had cut her deep but his pleading eyes filled with worry. He was grasping, using her feelings against her, it was a low blow but still she understood. This was her last chance, and as the mage glanced over the horizon she could see the shadows of this Keep through the heavy vale of falling snow.

Last chance...

She felt doubt...

and loss...

She could change her mind...

It what he wants, for her to keep living untainted...

Valena looked back over to her Brother, wrapping her arms around herself, hugging tightly. Doubt had began to take root. She wanted to become a Warden, but Carver, her baby Brother... Bethany, what would she say about this? Likely call her crazy. She missed her. They were closer, the two of them. Carver was always so jealous of what they had, but even he has changed. Life as a Warden changed him, made him the man she sees before her. Then he saw it, a glint of hope and he seized it.

"Don't take this from me too Val... don't do this, I beg you..."

Another low strike hitting it's mark, Valena sighed, and shook her head slowly. "Carver, I... need this please, don't make this any harder..."

"FINE!" He snapped, turning away and stocking off through the newly fallen snow.

All she could do is watch him go, her feet felt like lead. She felt frozen, not by the blistering cold but by his harsh tone and actions. But she forced herself to move forward, one foot in front of the other, slow at first but soon becoming even steps and striding forward she caught up to him. They walked together in silence the rest of the way, the wailing wind whipping around them.

It wasn't anything like she pictured it to be. She thought it would be dark and looming. The Keep of the Grey Wardens, the killers of Darkspawn, protectors of the world. Keeping the blights at bay and giving their lives so others could live. But it was just a building, a Keep like any other. It's tall, stone grey walls blanketed in snow, it wasn't dark or looming, it was normal and... full. There were people mulling around outside as they came up to the Keep, everyone bundled up in warm furs and capes. Horses being led to the stables and people hulling carts. This place had a life of it's own. This would be home now, this is where she would belong. No longer having to lead but to be led, to be with the only other person that mattered anymore.

"Are you ready Sister?" His voice sounded defeated, it cracked slightly but he did not look at her but at the large wooden doors that lead inside.

"Yes Carver, I am."

He nodded once and Valena could see the hint of tears in his eyes. Her heart went out to him, she gently took his hand squeezing it tightly, and he returned the gesture in kind. They took the steps towards the door slowly, keeping their eyes focused forward, Carver nodded at the guard that stood at the doors who stepped back letting them past. He fumbled with the latch, his hands shaking, pushing the large oak doors open wide. The blast of heat hit her face in a tidal wave. The sight of what lied beyond was breathtaking. Everything in view was warm, from the rugs upon the floor to the fire burning in the large fireplace. All the warm colors were so welcoming, the deep reds and dark golds. Wardens moved around the room, some stopped to watch the new comers while others paid them no mind.

They stood in the doorway frozen as she looked around in awe, seeing a familiar face watching her from the corner near the hearth, Nathanial Howe. A look of recognition and surprise crossed his face, a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He nodded at her and she returned the greeting. Then the realization hit her that this is where Anders had lived, and a knot began to form in her stomach. This was his home for years before he came to Kirkwall. This was where it all started, and this is where Justice... No she would not taint her thoughts with this, she would push those thoughts away. It was past, his past but the past none the less.

"Lets go see the Commander," Carver whispered, and she followed without a word.

Valena Hawke, Champion of Kirkwall, Slayer of Dragons, Healer, Daughter, Sister, Lover, Friend and now Grey Warden...

This was it...

She was home...

* * *

><p>AN: This is a Birthday gift for a friend on Deviant Art of his Fem Hawke who I adore. I thought I would share for those who may like to read it. :)


End file.
